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5 Tips for Dealing with Your Kids’ Fear of the Water

When you’re teaching your kids to swim, you might run into trouble with fear of the water. Kids without experience in the water tend to develop a fear of the water as they get older. Most three- and four-year-olds don’t have an entrenched fear of the water. Seven- and eight-year-olds without swimming experience often do. What should you do if your kids are afraid of the water?

How to Deal with Fear of the Water When You Teach Kids to Swim

It’s not unusual for kids to be afraid of the water when they start swimming lessons. You can’t start teaching any swimming skills until the kids are comfortable with the idea of going in the water. These tips will help you up their comfort level and get them past their fear.

Acknowledge that this fear is reasonable.

Being careful around the water is always smart, but before you can swim, that caution comes from a constant awareness of the possibility of drowning. Kids learn about that possibility in a variety of ways. They remember slips in the bathtub. They swallow water the wrong way and cough when they’re learning to drink out of a cup. They see characters in cartoons struggling before going under permanently. They listen to older kids.

Be patient.

If your child is afraid of the water, your best tool is patience. You might already know where his fear originated or how it developed. If you don’t, probe gently for an answer. It’s possible that his fear stems from a misconception that you can quickly correct.

Don’t force it.

If your child becomes upset or doesn’t want to talk about his fear, don’t force him. Instead, start very slowly to work on getting him comfortable with the water before trying to get into the water.

Provide examples.

Point out other kids playing in the water and let your child watch without pressuring him to get in. Point out the ways that water is already a part of his life—from drinking, to taking a bath, to playing in the rain or running through the sprinklers.

Start small.

Have your child sit near the pool. Get your hands wet and gently stroke your child with your wet hands, spreading the water first on his arms and legs and then on his hair and face.

See if he’ll dip his fingers into the water with you next to him. Encourage him to dip just his feet, and then his legs, into the water while you stand in the pool in front of him.

Don’t force your child into the water. If he starts to become upset with something you’re trying, stop and go back to an activity he is comfortable with, even if it’s just taking a sip of water. Be supportive and patient, and work to keep your own expectations under control. If your child is still as afraid as ever after a few weeks of gently easing him into contact with the water, consider taking a break from trying for a while. If he remains very afraid after weeks of trying and a break, consider having him work through the fear with a child psychologist.

If your child is too afraid of the water to take a bath, he’s not ready to learn to swim. Try having him sit in an empty tub and play with toys while you sit with him, either in the tub or just outside the tub. When he becomes comfortable with that, offer him a warm glass of water or a bucket that he can pour into the tub himself when he feels like it. Over the course of several weeks, go through the exercise every day, gradually moving to adding increasing amounts of water from the faucet. Only after your child is completely comfortable in the bath should you consider trying to start to teach him to swim.

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How You Can Keep a Scary Moment in the Pool from Turning into a Big Deal

If something happens that scares your child—going underwater or breathing in water unexpectedly—how you respond will make the difference between his brushing it off and his carrying that fear with him into the future, possibly for life. How should you respond when something scary happens?

Acknowledge it.

Don’t deny that something scary, unexpected or unplanned happened. Be matter-of-fact about it. Make sure your own body language is confident and supportive. Your kids should know that while it may not have been a part of your swimming lesson plan, you can handle it. In the first few moments after an accident, your child looks to you to help him decide how to react and how to feel about it. How you respond helps your child make that decision.

Empathize.

Be sure to empathize with your child’s feelings. Acknowledge not only that it happened but also that it was scary, if that’s what your child tells you he feels. Address how you’ll keep it from happening again. Then move on.

Treat it like a boo-boo.

It’s a lot like dealing with boo-boos on dry land. “Did you fall? Does your knee hurt? I’m sorry? Do you need a bandage? How about a kiss? Next time, let’s make sure to hold on with at least one hand when you’re climbing. You ready to go again?” If you don’t make a big deal out of it, your child will be less likely to.

Of course, these tips are for minor mishaps. In the case of a real accident or emergency, always call 911 immediately.

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5 Common Feelings That Affect How Kids Learn to Swim

The sensory experience of being in the water, as well as emotional associations, leads to a range of feelings your child might have about swimming. Be on the lookout for emotional distress that you can soothe and for opportunities to motivate your child. What are the five most common feelings you can expect to crop up when you’re teaching your kids to swim?

5 Common Feelings That Affect How Kids Learn to Swim

Fear

It’s never too early to help your child feel comfortable in the water. Younger kids—three and four years old—are less fearful than older kids—seven or eight years old—who are being introduced to the water for the first time.

Where does the fear come from?

  • Fear of drowning can come from experience—like having slipped under the water in the tub for a moment—or from peers or the media.
  • Fear can come from feelings of being out of control, confused or uncertain, powerless, or unsupported in the water.
  • Fear can come from picking up parents’ own fear, worry or concerns.
  • For some kids, new things are scary.

Being afraid is reasonable. Until your child has the skills of water safety, the water is a dangerous place. That’s the whole point. That’s why he needs to learn to swim.

Many actors feel stage fright before a performance. A common tool for getting past this fear is to reframe it as excitement. You can help your child by using this technique. Understand the fear. Address it. Reframe it as excitement.

First, talk to your child to try to isolate the reason for the fear. Next, address his concerns. If he’s afraid that he’ll slip and swallow water, explain that you’ll be holding him and won’t let that happen. If he fears the unknown, explain to him what to expect once he’s in the water, from how it will feel to what you’ll be doing and how long you’ll do it.

Once you’ve addressed his concerns, point out the physical signs of fear that he might be experiencing: increased heart rate, fast or shallow breathing, shivers, tension, a rush of adrenaline. All of those are things that also happen when you’re excited. Have your child focus on what he’s feeling in his body and how he’s felt those same things when he’s been excited about something. Associate the two feelings. It’s hard to stay afraid when you’re aware that your body is responding the same way it does when you wake up on the morning of your birthday party.

Anger

Your child might be angry at being forced to do something he doesn’t want to do. He might feel anger about feeling afraid. He might feel anger in the form of frustration about not being able to physically control his body in the water as well as he’d like to be able to.

If he’s angry at being forced to do something he doesn’t want to do, give him as many choices as possible. “Would you like to go swimming and then to the park or to the park and then swimming?” or “Would you like to swim for fifteen minutes or for twenty minutes?”

If he’s angry about feeling afraid, help him to express the anger and then address the fear.

If he’s frustrated about not having the same degree of control over his movement in the water as he does on land, remind him that it took a lot of practice to learn to walk and to learn to run. Tell him funny stories about those early days. Scale back the skill you’re working on to give him a break from the frustration and an opportunity to enjoy practicing something that he’s already competent doing.

Happiness

Spending time playing in the water with your parents in the warm sun is fun. Don’t gloss over the joy you and your child can share because you’re in a rush to get to the next skill. The spaces between learning new things will be filled with the laughter that becomes memories your child will carry with him for the rest of his life.

Security

Your child will rely on you to set the tone for your time in the pool. If you feel confident and if you provide physical and emotional support, your child will feel secure. That sense of security will make him receptive to what you’re trying to teach and will color his longterm feelings about swimming and the water.

Pride

As your child’s efforts pay off and he learns new things and masters new skills, he’s likely to feel proud. Help to encourage and validate that feeling. Talk about how well he’s doing to other adults in front of him. Give him a forum for sharing that pride.

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5 Things You Must Do to Succeed in Teaching Your Kids to Swim

Safety comes first, but an important part of your goal is to make learning to swim fun, for yourself and your child. In order to do that you have to bring certain things to the party. Here are the five things you have to do to succeed in teaching your kids to swim.

Practice Patience

If you go into this process with a deadline in mind, you’re setting yourself up for disappointment. Be patient with your child and with yourself. Don’t rush things. Think of the process as being as important as the goal.

Your patience will let your child relax and explore, which are both critical to learning. Your patience will also let you relax and explore. You’ll have the ability to pay full attention to your child’s progress without judging it, so you’ll be a better teacher. You won’t put pressure on your child or yourself, so you’ll both be able to enjoy each other and the process.

When you’re patient, you increase the possibility of finding joy in each lesson. Your child will associate that joy with the lessons and with swimming.

Have a Positive Attitude

While you may be focused on what you’re trying to accomplish, don’t forget to give your child plenty of encouragement, both in and out of the water. Be sincere and positive. Remind him that what you’re doing together is going to keep him safe and healthy and that it’s going to be lots of fun, especially long term.

Watch What You Bring to the Water

Ideally, you should have basic water safety, CPR, and first aid training. The Red Cross and hospitals often offer this training.

Kids read your body language and are attuned to your mental and emotional state. They’re aware of tension in your body and whether your breathing is slow and steady or fast and shallow.

If you’re afraid or concerned, your child will pick up on that. Until you’re over your own fear, you’re not in a good position to teach your child. (Rather, you’re in the perfect position to pass your fear on to your child.) In fact, if you’re afraid, it’s going to be tougher for your child even if you’re not the one doing the teaching.

Prepare yourself before you go into the water by focusing on and visualizing your plan for your time in the water with your child. Remind yourself to let go of concerns about other things. Remind yourself that you’re doing something wonderful for your child’s health, safety, and future. Remind yourself that you want this lesson to be fun for both of you. Smile and take some deep breaths. Before you get into the pool, give your child a hug, a kiss, and a smile, and tell him you love him. You’ll set the tone for the lesson, and it will be serene, gently focused, loving, and effective.

Respect Your Kids’ Feelings

Don’t deny or minimize what your kids are feeling. Acknowledge it, be direct about it, and be matter-of-fact about it. Whether your child is angry about having to be uncomfortable or try something new, afraid of the water, happy about the opportunity to play with you, or proud of the progress he’s making, he’ll feel secure when you acknowledge his feelings.

There’s no need to be dramatic about it. Remain calm. All you have to do is say, “So you’re feeling angry? I can understand that. You’re feeling afraid? I can understand that.” Acknowledging and respecting the feeling is the first step to moving past the feeling.

If your child is afraid, avoid the knee-jerk reaction to deny his fear. It’s not helpful to tell him that there’s nothing to be afraid of or that he shouldn’t worry. Acknowledge that it’s reasonable for him to be afraid. Until he has the skills to be safe, the water is dangerous. That’s a rational fear.

If an activity brings up fear for your child, back off. Inch into it a little at a time. As soon as his fear starts to rise, backtrack to an activity your child is comfortable with and spend plenty of time in that comfortable, confident place.

Respect Your Kids’ Developmental Stages

Don’t compare your child to other kids. Everybody learns at different rates and in different ways. Some things may be easier than others for your child to learn. You may be great at predicting this, but you may also be taken by surprise. Be flexible and be prepared to deal with the reality of your child’s experience instead of your expectations of how things should be.

Bonus 6th Thing: Don’t Expect Perfection

You don’t expect your kids to be perfect. Why would you be? Don’t expect yourself to be perfect at this, and don’t expect teaching your child to swim to be easy all the time. If you keep your goal in mind, though, you can maintain the perspective you need to make teaching your child to swim an experience you’ll both enjoy.