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5 Common Feelings That Affect How Kids Learn to Swim

The sensory experience of being in the water, as well as emotional associations, leads to a range of feelings your child might have about swimming. Be on the lookout for emotional distress that you can soothe and for opportunities to motivate your child. What are the five most common feelings you can expect to crop up when you’re teaching your kids to swim?

5 Common Feelings That Affect How Kids Learn to Swim

Fear

It’s never too early to help your child feel comfortable in the water. Younger kids—three and four years old—are less fearful than older kids—seven or eight years old—who are being introduced to the water for the first time.

Where does the fear come from?

  • Fear of drowning can come from experience—like having slipped under the water in the tub for a moment—or from peers or the media.
  • Fear can come from feelings of being out of control, confused or uncertain, powerless, or unsupported in the water.
  • Fear can come from picking up parents’ own fear, worry or concerns.
  • For some kids, new things are scary.

Being afraid is reasonable. Until your child has the skills of water safety, the water is a dangerous place. That’s the whole point. That’s why he needs to learn to swim.

Many actors feel stage fright before a performance. A common tool for getting past this fear is to reframe it as excitement. You can help your child by using this technique. Understand the fear. Address it. Reframe it as excitement.

First, talk to your child to try to isolate the reason for the fear. Next, address his concerns. If he’s afraid that he’ll slip and swallow water, explain that you’ll be holding him and won’t let that happen. If he fears the unknown, explain to him what to expect once he’s in the water, from how it will feel to what you’ll be doing and how long you’ll do it.

Once you’ve addressed his concerns, point out the physical signs of fear that he might be experiencing: increased heart rate, fast or shallow breathing, shivers, tension, a rush of adrenaline. All of those are things that also happen when you’re excited. Have your child focus on what he’s feeling in his body and how he’s felt those same things when he’s been excited about something. Associate the two feelings. It’s hard to stay afraid when you’re aware that your body is responding the same way it does when you wake up on the morning of your birthday party.

Anger

Your child might be angry at being forced to do something he doesn’t want to do. He might feel anger about feeling afraid. He might feel anger in the form of frustration about not being able to physically control his body in the water as well as he’d like to be able to.

If he’s angry at being forced to do something he doesn’t want to do, give him as many choices as possible. “Would you like to go swimming and then to the park or to the park and then swimming?” or “Would you like to swim for fifteen minutes or for twenty minutes?”

If he’s angry about feeling afraid, help him to express the anger and then address the fear.

If he’s frustrated about not having the same degree of control over his movement in the water as he does on land, remind him that it took a lot of practice to learn to walk and to learn to run. Tell him funny stories about those early days. Scale back the skill you’re working on to give him a break from the frustration and an opportunity to enjoy practicing something that he’s already competent doing.

Happiness

Spending time playing in the water with your parents in the warm sun is fun. Don’t gloss over the joy you and your child can share because you’re in a rush to get to the next skill. The spaces between learning new things will be filled with the laughter that becomes memories your child will carry with him for the rest of his life.

Security

Your child will rely on you to set the tone for your time in the pool. If you feel confident and if you provide physical and emotional support, your child will feel secure. That sense of security will make him receptive to what you’re trying to teach and will color his longterm feelings about swimming and the water.

Pride

As your child’s efforts pay off and he learns new things and masters new skills, he’s likely to feel proud. Help to encourage and validate that feeling. Talk about how well he’s doing to other adults in front of him. Give him a forum for sharing that pride.

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1 Thing You Need to Know about Kids’ Minds to Keep Them Engaged

When you’re trying to teach your kids to swim, or to do anything else for that matter, your chances of success go up exponentially if you understand how their minds work.

1 Thing You Need to Know about Kids’ Minds to Keep Them Engaged

Kids keep trying if they’re having fun and think they’re doing well. Your job in each swimming lesson is to make sure those two conditions are met. The fun part is easy. You can spot a kid having fun a mile away. But how can you be sure your kids think they’re doing well?

Kids’ perceptions of success

In a study of 8- to 13-year-olds, the kids’ opinions of what made a good swimmer had everything to do with effort: if you’re trying your hardest, you’re good. Kids care about the process more than the outcome.

Defining success based on process instead of outcome will help your child to remain engaged and feel successful. Emphasizing the importance of practice for improvement fits how kids think about things and gives them control over their own success.

Praise your child when he’s trying, even if his efforts don’t seem to be bringing him closer to mastery. Even when it doesn’t look like he’s making progress, his body is processing the experience. He’s learning to swim, even if it doesn’t look like it. You want to keep him motivated so he keeps putting in the effort until the results show.

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5 Things You Must Do to Succeed in Teaching Your Kids to Swim

Safety comes first, but an important part of your goal is to make learning to swim fun, for yourself and your child. In order to do that you have to bring certain things to the party. Here are the five things you have to do to succeed in teaching your kids to swim.

Practice Patience

If you go into this process with a deadline in mind, you’re setting yourself up for disappointment. Be patient with your child and with yourself. Don’t rush things. Think of the process as being as important as the goal.

Your patience will let your child relax and explore, which are both critical to learning. Your patience will also let you relax and explore. You’ll have the ability to pay full attention to your child’s progress without judging it, so you’ll be a better teacher. You won’t put pressure on your child or yourself, so you’ll both be able to enjoy each other and the process.

When you’re patient, you increase the possibility of finding joy in each lesson. Your child will associate that joy with the lessons and with swimming.

Have a Positive Attitude

While you may be focused on what you’re trying to accomplish, don’t forget to give your child plenty of encouragement, both in and out of the water. Be sincere and positive. Remind him that what you’re doing together is going to keep him safe and healthy and that it’s going to be lots of fun, especially long term.

Watch What You Bring to the Water

Ideally, you should have basic water safety, CPR, and first aid training. The Red Cross and hospitals often offer this training.

Kids read your body language and are attuned to your mental and emotional state. They’re aware of tension in your body and whether your breathing is slow and steady or fast and shallow.

If you’re afraid or concerned, your child will pick up on that. Until you’re over your own fear, you’re not in a good position to teach your child. (Rather, you’re in the perfect position to pass your fear on to your child.) In fact, if you’re afraid, it’s going to be tougher for your child even if you’re not the one doing the teaching.

Prepare yourself before you go into the water by focusing on and visualizing your plan for your time in the water with your child. Remind yourself to let go of concerns about other things. Remind yourself that you’re doing something wonderful for your child’s health, safety, and future. Remind yourself that you want this lesson to be fun for both of you. Smile and take some deep breaths. Before you get into the pool, give your child a hug, a kiss, and a smile, and tell him you love him. You’ll set the tone for the lesson, and it will be serene, gently focused, loving, and effective.

Respect Your Kids’ Feelings

Don’t deny or minimize what your kids are feeling. Acknowledge it, be direct about it, and be matter-of-fact about it. Whether your child is angry about having to be uncomfortable or try something new, afraid of the water, happy about the opportunity to play with you, or proud of the progress he’s making, he’ll feel secure when you acknowledge his feelings.

There’s no need to be dramatic about it. Remain calm. All you have to do is say, “So you’re feeling angry? I can understand that. You’re feeling afraid? I can understand that.” Acknowledging and respecting the feeling is the first step to moving past the feeling.

If your child is afraid, avoid the knee-jerk reaction to deny his fear. It’s not helpful to tell him that there’s nothing to be afraid of or that he shouldn’t worry. Acknowledge that it’s reasonable for him to be afraid. Until he has the skills to be safe, the water is dangerous. That’s a rational fear.

If an activity brings up fear for your child, back off. Inch into it a little at a time. As soon as his fear starts to rise, backtrack to an activity your child is comfortable with and spend plenty of time in that comfortable, confident place.

Respect Your Kids’ Developmental Stages

Don’t compare your child to other kids. Everybody learns at different rates and in different ways. Some things may be easier than others for your child to learn. You may be great at predicting this, but you may also be taken by surprise. Be flexible and be prepared to deal with the reality of your child’s experience instead of your expectations of how things should be.

Bonus 6th Thing: Don’t Expect Perfection

You don’t expect your kids to be perfect. Why would you be? Don’t expect yourself to be perfect at this, and don’t expect teaching your child to swim to be easy all the time. If you keep your goal in mind, though, you can maintain the perspective you need to make teaching your child to swim an experience you’ll both enjoy.