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Feelings: The Difference between Success and Failure

What difference do feelings make when you’re teaching your kids to swim? After all, they’re just feelings. It turns out they make all the difference. Here’s why.

The Difference between Success and Failure in a Swimming Lesson

Knowing the impact of kids’ feelings and perspectives on success and failure can make the difference between your success and failure when you’re teaching them to swim.

Feelings matter

Kids learn best when they feel safe and supported, physically and emotionally.

  • Tension in your child’s body makes it harder to learn a physical skill.
  • Emotional tension makes it harder to retain and process information.

What You Can Do

If you feel relaxed and confident and you’re having fun, it will be easier for your child to feel relaxed and confident and have fun. Create an atmosphere of fun, freedom, and exploration to help your child feel secure enough to learn.

Feeling Successful

According to a recent study of eight- to thirteen-year-old kids, kids’ opinions of what makes a good swimmer have everything to do with effort: if you’re doing your best—trying hard and practicing—you’re good. Kids care about the process more than the outcome. Defining success based on the process instead of outcome will help kids to remain engaged and feel successful. Feeling successful will make them want to keep trying.

What You Can Do

Emphasize the importance of practice for improvement. That fits how kids think about things and gives them control over their own success.

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How Teaching Something New Is Like a Movie Trailer

You go into a movie theater. The lights dim. You settle deeper into your seat. Maybe you start munching your popcorn. The first movie trailer starts, and you’re riveted. How is this like teaching your kids to swim?

How Is Teaching Kids a New Swimming Skill Like a Movie Trailer?

Is it the suspense? The dark? The popcorn? Nope. It’s the idea that you introduce a preview a new skill and let the concept sink in before you make it the focus of a lesson.

Be Patient

Many parents want to spend most of their time in the pool working on something new. It’s understandable. You want to see your kids make progress, and moving on to something new is a sure way to see your kids doing something new.

Resist the urge. Exercise patience. If your child still has a lot of room to learn more about the skill you’ve been reviewing, devote the whole lesson to review instead.

Teaching Something New Is Like a Movie Trailer

If your child is close to mastering the skill you’ve been reviewing, though, it’s time to introduce a new skill. Here’s the trick: Treat the introduction of the new skill as a preview of tomorrow’s lesson. Use it as a way to build excitement and anticipation.

Choosing What to Teach

Choose a new skill that builds on something your child has already mastered. Make sure you choose a single step to work on. For example, if you’re working on a new arm movement, don’t try to add a new leg movement at the same time. The new skill should feel mildly challenging at most. If it feels hard, provide more support or back off and practice a slightly easier version of the same skill.

Before You Introduce Something New

By the time you’re in the pool, you’ve already discussed what you’ll be doing. Give your child a brief reminder and start teaching. Remember to demonstrate what your child will be doing, let him explore, and give him praise and feedback. Take two or three minutes to have him learn the basic idea.

Keep It Simple

Once you’re in the pool, try to narrow your verbal instructions down to just a couple of words. If you need to explain something in more depth, take a break so that your child doesn’t have to divide his attention between listening to you and trying to do what you’re asking him to do.

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Time to Play! Feeling the Water

Kids learn by playing. The more you can make learning to swim fun for your kids, the more they’ll like it, the quicker they’ll learn, and the more fun you’ll have teaching them. Here’s a great game to help your kids get a feel for the water.

Ask your kids to describe how the water feels. Make suggestions of your own. Does the water feel like pudding? Baby food? Milk? Juice? Watermelon?

Throw in some choices that are really silly. How silly can you get?

This game has the added benefit of providing free, frequent reinforcement of the lesson. Whenever your kids eat pudding or watermelon, they’ll get a reminder of the game, the fun you had playing it, and the way the water actually felt.

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How Learning to Swim Is Like Playing the Piano

It probably doesn’t come as much of a surprise to hear that learning to swim is like learning to ride a bike, but did you know it’s also like learning to play the piano? Here’s how.

Athletes practice for a long time thinking about their form. At some point, form becomes natural—internalized. Without thinking about it, they continue to improve. When kids learn to swim, the process is very conscious for a long time, and there’s a lot to think about and a lot to feel. At some point, the knowledge starts to move into your child’s body instead of his head, just like walking or riding a bike.

If you’ve ever played a musical instrument, you’ve experienced this. You can play a piece of music you memorized years ago just by putting your hands on your instrument, but when you try to consciously remember what to play next, the ability slips away. This level of automatic proficiency comes to your child’s swimming after enough practice.

Don’t believe me? Try consciously thinking about what your body should do next the next time you go for a walk or run or ride a bike. Let me know if you can do it.